


I say a prayer with every heartbeat

by luxasbbabyy



Series: NCT uni crackheads [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Convenience Store, Art Major Taeyong, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten & Suh Youngho | Johnny Are Best Friends, Emotionally Constipated Moon Taeil, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, Literature Minor Taeil, M/M, Moon Taeil & Lee Taeyong Are Best Friends, Most of NCT and WayV appears, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychology Major Taeil, Shop Boy Taeil, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Teacher Student Johnny, dance major ten, for those days when you want smth cute but not disgustingly cute u know what i mean, i lost count, it's a mess, part of a series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-11-26 05:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20924579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxasbbabyy/pseuds/luxasbbabyy
Summary: Taeil lived a simple life as a student, working part time at a local convenience store and uploading some covers to youtube every once in a while. Sure, he got lonely sometimes, but he managed to pull through, because his studies were supposed to come first, and relationships and feelings complicate everything.Enter a tall American - literally, through the doors of the convenience store where Taeil worked, and suddenly Taeil can't control his feelings as well as before.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first time posting anything here so I'm really just hoping this'll upload right lmao.

Taeil sang covers in his free time, sometimes uploading them to soundcloud or youtube if he felt particularly pleased with the outcome. When he wasn’t singing he was a psychology major at University of Seoul, minoring in literature. Now, his life was pretty good, he had a part time job at a convenience store quite near campus, and although that caused a lot of students to come in, Taeil liked his job. There was something about knowing what strangers bought for themselves that made him feel like he’s snooping... The job gave good pay though, and he shared a small apartment with his best friend - Taeyong - so he couldn’t really complain, although- 

Lately he had been feeling kinda lonely. You know the kind of lonely where you just want someone to cuddle up to and fall asleep on. Taeil had never really been one for romance, but Taeyong recently started dating this guy, (although he won’t introduce them or tell names on ‘cause they agreed to taking it slow - really slow). Anyhow, seeing Taeyong that happy made Taeil realise that maybe he had never been in love? He hadn’t been actively seeking it, so maybe it’s no surprise, and sure, he’s had crushes and minor relationships before, but he really couldn’t recall if he’d ever been in love. 

“Hyung, you’ve felt love” Taeyong condemned when Taeil opened up about his thoughts. “Don’t you love me?” he then added with a silly pout. 

At this, Taeil raised his head from it’s comfortable state on Taeyong’s lap, putting his hand on the younger’s mouth to get the pout away. “Of course I love you, Yongie, I just meant, I’ve never been in love, like in a relationship” Taeil sighs and lets his head fall back on Taaeyongs lap exasperatedly. “What if I’m doomed? I’m already 23 and I’ve never been in love. I’ll be alone forever, I might as well get myself a few cats right as well, and read erotica novels like all those sad middle aged wome-” He’s interrupted by Taeyong’s giggling turning into a guffaw, so he looked up at him, unimpressed. The redhead seems to have gotten the message and soon calms down. 

“Just because you haven’t found someone by 23 doesn’t mean you never will, someone will come along when the timing is right” Taeyong smiled down with a small smile and Taeil just raised his eyebrows at him. 

“You’ve become so cheesy since you fell in love.” he comments, watching his best friend turn red at the statement. “When am I gonna meet this guy anyway?” he questions with a expectant look on his face, and the former mentioned sports an even darker shade of red on his cheeks. 

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll talk to him about it soon” Taeyong smiles and then pushes Taeil off his lap “Do you want me to bake you some cookies to make you feel better about your non-existent love life?” 

“You just want an excuse not to talk more about mystery-guy” a scoff comes from Taeil’s mouth as he throws a pillow after Taeyong heading to the kitchen. 

A regular evening at the store would include a handful of students walking in, presumably taking a break from studying, to buy coffee or other necessities as a student. Taeil had quite soon realised that it was pretty darn boring, and decided to make something of it, discreetly observing the customers and, in his mind making up scenarios as to their lives and why they were in the store at the time. This evening doesn’t seem to be any different other than a little shy on customers. After at least 17 minutes two guys walk in, probably students, Taeil had seen one of them around campus, the shorter of the two. And when saying shorter, he meant shorter ‘cause the other guy was so tall. 

They were skimming through the candy section of the store, and Taeil almost started creating a fantasy scenario for them - maybe they were lovers? No, they were standing too far apart for that, and not that Taeil had the best so called “gay radar”, but the taller didn’t strike him as a fellow homo sapiens necessarily, but before he could give further time to the thought he saw the taller of them looking over at him and shoot him a smile, and Taeil froze. Instead of making up stories, he occupied himself behind the counter, maybe not doing the things he would have been, more than having a smaller breakdown regarding what to do when having a gay crisis, as Taeyong would later call it, whilst working. 

They were talking in a foreign language in the isles, and from Taeil’s limited knowledge of other languages, it sounded like english. This made him take a breath of relief, because although he worked in customer service, he was so awkward when talking to young people who came in, and maybe they didn’t know korean. Somehow he always managed to either sound like an old man unless he thought of what he said, or he ended up being confused over the slang used, and again seeming like an old man, so if they couldn’t speak korean he wouldn’t have to live through that awkwardness. 

“Do you go to University of Seoul?” 

He hadn’t noticed the pair approaching. It was the shorter of the two who was talking to him, and he shuttered awake from his daydream of his bed and a snuggly blanket. 

Now, it is really worth stating that Taeil was not one to have so called gay crises very often, and especially not in public. The last time it happened was when watching that kdrama with the really hot male lead with Sicheng, who didn’t seem affected at all. 

“Uh- Oh, yeah I do” he said and started registering their articles. “You do too, right?” He asked, not looking up at them. If you asked, he’d say it was because he was busy, not because he didn’t dare looking at the taller of the three. He was really handsome, and Taeil wished he would look elsewhere because he could feel the gaze. Of course, it’s normal to look at someone while they’re talking, and Taeil was really the weird one in the situation, but he would keep telling himself otherwise until his death. 

”Yeah” the shorter seemed talkative, and when Taeil looked up he was smiling “we were just studying and then figured that to study you need sugar and caffeine” he laughs and gestures to the articles they’ve loaded up, and Taeil just nodded because yeah, he knew the feeling . When he looked up at the pair, that was for the record already looking at him, he realized maybe this is one of those situations where he should keep a conversation going with the customers - his boss had recommended it so that they would get more regulars. 

“Uhh… what do you major in?” he asked and pinned in an article without a code, and in the doing looked at the two, as that is what one should do when talking to someone, instead of looking down like you’d rather be anywhere but there. Well, that was technically true, but mainly because he prefers the customers that are quiet and not strikingly handsome. The shorter of the two, Taeil decided to call him blondie, cause his hair was bleached blonde, looked up at the taller, creatively called the tall one by Taeil. At least the tall one filled one of the criterias for a good customer, as he didn’t speak-

“I’m studying to become a teacher” his voice was deep and soft simultaneously. That lasted long Taeil thought to himself ironically “a primary school teacher” the tall one continued when Taeil gave no response other than just staring up at him. Finally, Taeil realized he was gaping and shook himself out of it, giving a small nod. 

“So these guys walk into the store like every other time you’re working?” Even through the phone Taeil could feel Taeyong’s teasing gaze. Taeil was walking to his early morning class - which he had signed up for in a phase where he was gonna start living “healthy” and get up at “reasonable times” - and as always, Taeyong called when he woke up fifteen minutes after Taeil had left.

“Yeah, I guess they found some candy they liked or something” Taeil sighed. “I’m mostly just surprised they wanted to come back after how I ogled the tall one” he cringes at himself yet again, as always recently, when he thinks of that first encounter two weeks ago.

“I can’t believe your crush” at this Taeil rolled his eyes “has walked in while you’re on shift like four times already and you don’t know his name” Taeyong laughed on the other end. 

“NOT my crush” Taeil hissed and walked a little faster to get to class in time. And to end the call with Taeyong. “And it’s not like he came in alone, Blondie is with him every time” he pointed out, quickly approaching the building his clinical psych class was in. 

“Any time he’s been in the store you talk about it non-stop for hours” Taeyong pointed back and Taeil pointlessly pouted, although he knew Taeyong couldn’t see him, and it probably looked weird to anyone passing by. 

Now, Taeil had never been in love, but he had had his fair share of crushes, so he knew just how to get over them. 

Firstly, you right off deny it to both yourself and everyone else. Taeil was already past that stage. He knew and acknowledged that he thought the tall one was really good looking, and that he may make up small scenarios in his head about them together. However, he would never admit it to anyone else. And as a psychology student, he also knew and acknowledged that these scenarios were just projections of his imaginations and inner wishings and troubles, and that the tall one had very small likelihood of being like Taeil imagined him to be. Now, this made step three much easier, which was to rationalise the whole situation. Call Taeil cold or unsensitive but this is what he did every time he had a crush. Usually it would involve some checking up on social medias and talking to Taeyong, because although Taeil loved Taeyong with his whole heart, Taeyong was way to optimistic when it came to love, and hearing Taeyong’s thoughts would often give Taeil both perspective and new thoughts on why he did not need to get attached. 

Because yes, Taeil felt lonely sometimes, and maybe wanted something more than casual dating, but he also knew that he had wanted to get a degree in psychology since before he knew what a degree or psychology was, and he knew how relationships distracted and brought down its victims. When Taeil expressed these thoughts to Taeyong he was just met with a roll of the eyes and a comment of how pessimistic he was, though. Taeyong could go on and on about how love fulfills and motivates, and Taeil wanted to believe it but no matter how he looked and turned the picture, he didn’t see what Taeyong saw. Now, that is not only a metaphor, but actually a description of a real scenario, as Taeyong was an art major and often brought home paintings or photographs for analysis that Taeil couldn’t really decipher the way Taeyong could. 

If the third step by all means were to fail, there was a fourth step, which was to avoid. Usually Taeil would jump ahead and go straight to avoiding, but considering he most often (only) met the tall one during working hours, he couldn’t. This is why he just went stiff, awkward and wide eyed every time Blondie and the tall one entered the store and came to the register. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever, it’ll pass” Taeil dismisses Taeyong on the phone “I’m at the building now” he then tells Taeyong to conclude the conversation. 

“You know that that attitude is what makes your love life so dull” Taeyong says on the other line and if it weren’t for the fact that Taeil actually agreed a little and that his class started in five minutes, he would’ve argued. “Anyhow, good luck dissecting brains”

“That’s not what clinic-” and the line was dead. Taeil couldn’t help but laugh at Taeyong. 

Taeil often makes it very clear that he was absolutely not only a psych major, but also a lit minor, which gave him the opportunity to sign up for extra lingual and writing classes. At the moment he stood before, he however wished he had picked any other class than the one he was seated in. The morning had gone well, he got to work with Kun in clinical psychology, and he ate lunch with Taeyong and some of their friends. His good mood did a 180 turn though, because through the door to the creative writing class came no other than the tall one whom he still hadn’t stalked on social medias, because for some reason he actually kinda liked the small bubble he lived in until his crush ended. The bubble he lived in did certainly not include sharing two and a half hours of class every week with said crush. 

But alas, the universe did not take Taeil’s bubble into consideration when planning the unraveling of events. This was made especially clear when the tall one took a seat three rows ahead and two rows to the right of Taeil, where he was in perfect sight for Taeil to discreetly admire him. This in turn led to Taeil barely focusing on class. Luckily for him, the class wasn’t that important for his degree. That was at least until the dark haired tall stranger-but-not-really turned around, saw Taeil and smiled when he saw Taeil looking. Taeil stopped looking after that (read: he stole glances all class but didn’t necessarily stare). 

One good thing class brought him though, was the name of said tall stranger-but-not-really, so he didn’t have to keep calling him the tall one. Now, he knew that his name was Seo Youngho, and Taeil would lie if he said that name didn’t fit him incredibly well. Although, with a face like his, any name would probably fit perfectly. 

What made step three of getting over his stupid crush on Seo Youngho was that the latter mentioned kept glancing and typing on his phone throughout the class, and even though Taeil could do the same sometimes, the image of this man that Moon Taeil had built up in his mind would never fickle with his phone during class. Again, Taeil knew that said image was just a projection of how he himself wanted to be, along with his idea of an ideal person. 

“Are you busy after class?” 

Taeil spun around faster than ever, because he knew that deep voice. As he thought, there he stood, Seo Youngho, looking down at him expectantly, and the lights in the lecture hall was much more flattering to the taller than the ones in the store where Taeil was used to seeing him. Taeil could see that his hair wasn’t actually black, but dark brown, and his nose was small and cute and Taeil almost laughed out loud at his urge to boop it. His skin was tan and his cheekbones were high and wow Taeil wasn’t an art major, but he was sure that the man in front of him might as well have been one of the Greek god-statues woken up.

“No, I’m not” he blinked up at the ta- Seo Youngho. Was he gonna ask him out? Should Taeil ask him out? Or maybe he was just so busy staring at his phone all class and now he wants to borrow notes? But that wouldn’t make sense. They didn’t know each other? Maybe he had noticed Taeil staring and wanted to tell him to kindly fuck off? 

“Do you-” if the door to the hall wasn’t already open it would’ve probably been flung open with a loud bang or thud to accompany the angry man stomping in, looking around and locking sights on a sorry figure looking almost comically tall next to Taeil. 

“Johnny Suh” Blondie’s voice was steady, but with great effort it seemed, as he strode over to the two. Although his body was small and lithe, he caught everyone’s attention. All Taeil could think about on the other hand who ‘Johnny Suh’ was. “Do you happen to know what private property is?” he stopped in front of Youngho and Taeil, and even though his voice was calm, Taeil could feel the fury in his tone and eyes.

“Or do you just suppose that you can take anything as you please?” that’s where the puzzle piece fell for Taeil and he realized that ‘Johnny Suh’ was Seo Youngho.  
“Do you really not know that hard work should pay off? That was the last cookie and I had been looking forward to it all day!” 

“Aw Tennie~” Youngho cooed and squeezed the younger’s cheek “I’ll buy you new cookies” he continued, and the people around them who had been witnessing Blondie’s dramatic outburst slowly returned to not caring. 

“You bet your sweet ass you will” Blondie scoffed and looked up, first now noticing Taeil beside Youngho. He looked between Taeil and Youngho for a second and then looked at Taeil - who still stood quite shocked - with a smile.

“Hey! Shop boy!” He exclaimed and Taeil couldn’t help but tilt his head a bit at that. Shop boy? That’s quite rude, actually, seeing as Taeil assumed he was older than Blondie. 

“Moon Taeil” he corrected him with a small smile. “And I- uhm, I gotta go now, I have to get something to eat, nice talking to you Youngho” he smiled at the taller of the three and then looked over at Blondie “It was nice meeting you” he smiled at him and bent down to pick up his bag. 

“Do you wanna eat with us?” the question threw him off guard, and he froze for a second before proceeding to pick his bag up and then looked up at Youngho. “Ten here can be a little informal sometimes, he’s not from here” he explained when Taeil didn’t answer. 

That wasn’t the reason Taeil didn’t know what to say though, not at all. He was really just shocked, and tried convincing his brain that: 1. Meeting and socialising with new people is good, and 2. It’s not a date, he asked you to come with them, not just him. It could become easier getting over him by spending a bit of time together. 

“Yeah, sure” he found himself saying “and it’s okay” he assured Blond- Ten. “What are you gonna eat?” he asked and looked from one to the other, stopping at Youngho.

“Well, our go to is the instant ramen from the convenience store you work in” Youngho chuckled and Taeil actually laughed at the taller’s half hearted attempt at a joke. “But we’ll probably go to the diner two blocks down, it’s pretty good actually” he continued. 

When they looked over at Ten, he was shyly smiling down at his phone, and upon noticing them looking at him, he tucked it away hastily. 

“I actually just realized I have a ton of work to do, essays and stuff, is it cool if I bail this time?” he asked with a small smile and a ball of nervosity and anticipation formed in Taeil’s belly. 

Youngho looked down at him as if to ask if it was okay, and in an attempt to play it cool, Taeil shrugged and gave a small smile. 

“Yeah, good luck, buddy” Youngho said to his friend, who was practically already scurrying away.  
Now, this made it a little bit harder for Taeil not to see it as a date, but he reminded himself he had been to countless diners with Taeyong and none of those times counted as dates. 

The diner was small and sort of cozy, and Youngho seemed to know the owners quite well. 

“So, why did Ten call you Johnny? The professor called your name as Youngho” Taeil asked as they waited for their food, milkshakes already served. His curiosity had been nagging at him to ask ever since he realized Ten actually meant Youngho in the lecture hall. He had also been contemplating how to ask without sounding like a creep who knew his name without actually asking. 

“I grew up in Chicago” Youngho answered and Taeil couldn’t help his eyes widening at the statement. 

“Chicago?” He asked, cringing instantly at his bad pronunciation. “As in USA?” he continued nonetheless. 

“Yeah” Youngho laughed sweetly and Taeil found himself laughing along, although he didn’t know at what exactly. “I’m sorry, your reaction was just cute” Youngho smiled at him. He called him cute. Taeil did not blush at this, but he could swear the temperature rose a few degrees just then. 

“So uhm, do you prefer being called Youngho or Johnny?” 

“Well, most people here call me Youngho, but Johnny sounds cute when you say it” He has called Taeil cute two times now. In just the past two minutes.

Taeil swallowed thickly and tried for his life to come up with something to say instead of just giggling like a teenage girl. 

“So I call you Johnny?” Taeil asked, trying to sound calm as he played with the straw to the milkshake in front of him. 

“Yeah” Youngh- Johnny smiled at him. “And I call you Taeil? Or hyung? How old are you?” Johnny asked playfully. 

“I’m 23” A small smile played on Taeil’s lips. 

“Then you’re my hyung! I’m only 22” Johnny said matter of factly before falling back into a goofy smile. 

They fell into casual conversation quite quickly, and it turned out that not only was Johnny studying to become a teacher, he was also a philosophy minor and had a blog where he posted photographs he took in his free time. Johnny was actually not at all like Taeil had imagined him to be. The picture Taeil had set up seemed plain and unoriginal in comparison to how charismatic and funny this Johnny was. He told stories about him and his friends playing hide and seek at a grocery store, and turning a plain movie night into a blind date for his friend and the guy living in the dorm room next door, somehow resulting in him and his friends being stranded outside the dorm.

So when Johnny started asking about Taeil in return, the shorter of the two felt a little anxious. He didn’t have a huge group of friends, or crazy stories to share, but when Taeil told Johnny that he was majoring in psychology, Johnny looked like it was the coolest thing he had ever heard. 

He also mentioned to Johnny that he sings covers and sometimes posts on youtube, which brought them in on the subject of music. It turned out that Johnny played the piano, and while Taeil was in the bathroom Johnny found his youtube channel.

“Hey do you like Daniel Ceasar?” Johnny beamed up at him when he came back to their small booth. Taeil looked at him somewhat puzzled, and then noticed the phone the other was holding, and he inwardly panicked instead. On the screen he saw his cover of Daniel Ceasar’s Best Part. 

“Do you listen to all these artists?” Johnny asked, still scrolling through Taeil’s youtube channel. It was an almost unpleasant feeling by default, having someone look through his social medias right in front of him. But the look on Johnny’s face made Taeil feel at ease, although a little shy. There was no mock in Johnny’s eyes, no desire to tease Taeil or call him out on any wrongs. 

“Yeah, pretty much” Taeil nodded eventually, after sitting down opposite to Johnny. 

Now it turned out that although their music preferences differed quite drastically, there were some artists they both loved. For example Johnny had been practising a song by Sam Smith that Taeil loved, and so they decided to go back to Taeil’s apartment so Johnny could play it to him, because he lived closer to the diner than Johnny.

Just as Taeil was opening the door though, it was pushed back closed from inside, confusing both men standing in the corridor. Tentatively, Taeil raised his hand to knock on the door.

“Hey Yongie, what are you doing?” The door opened just the slightest to show Taeyong’s face, a little pink, and his mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey hyung, you brought a friend? Could you just come back later? I’m doing an art project and I really can’t be disturbed, I’m so sorry” the man on the other side smiled at them and, still puzzled, both Johnny and Taeil just nodded at him. 

The door closed again and left Johnny and Taeil just looking at each other as if contemplating what to do now. 

“I have a piano at my place, I don’t think it’s too far from here” Johnny suggested, and Taeil’s eyes lit up as he nodded. Somewhere along the way he forgot to be nervous, and forgot to think about whether it was a date or not, which it wasn’t, for the record. 

On the walk, Taeil found out even more about Johnny, such as why he wanted to be a teacher, and that he’s a hopeless romantic who can’t live without coffee. Taeil felt intrigued by Johnny’s outlook on life, and even though he knew Johnny was straight he imagined a scenario where Johnny would be Taeil’s first real love, and Johnny would love him back, and they would walk like this, only hand in hand and not half a metre apart.

It took 25 minutes to walk to Johnny’s apartment. 

“It usually only takes like 10 or 15 minutes from campus, isn’t it like the same distance?” Johnny said when Taeil commented on “not too far from here”.

“Yeah well you didn’t count in my short legs” Taeil stated and flung his hair dramatically as Johnny unlocked the door, causing Johnny to let out a small laughter, which in turn made Taeil smile again. 

“Next time I’ll just have to carry you instead” Johnny winked and Taeil wanted to look away so that the taller of them wouldn’t see the flush on his face, but instead he found himself just staring up at him. Johnny seemed to have some kind of aura that didn’t really let Taeil take his eyes off of him. Then again, Johnny seemed to mesmerize anyone he met. 

There was a moment then, where Taeil’s eyes met Johnny, and Taeil forgot that they had had their first real conversation on that day, and it felt like he had known Johnny for at least a month already. It was comfortable, and relaxing, but still Taeil felt nervous and almost anxious, it felt exciting and new and unexplored even in the calm. The moment was however broken when Taeil looked away, and Johnny cleared his throat, opening the door. 

“Ten, I’m back! Taeil’s here too” he declared in english once they were inside, only to turn to Taeil a second later to say “I don’t think he’s home”, in korean. 

-

Once seated at the piano, Johnny played the first notes of ‘Stay with me’ by Sam Smith, and suddenly Taeil felt very nervous. Johnny was very good at playing, but he had insisted Taeil would sing if he was to play. 

“Guess it’s true I’m not good at a one night stand,  
But I still need love cause I’m just a man”

Taeil always loved that song, and in some way he felt vulnerable singing it to Johnny, whom he had known for a few short hours, and yet it somehow felt right to be right there and then. 

Johnny’s playing was really phenomenal. Somehow he managed to express so much emotion though just the keys of the piano, and it amazed Taeil. Soon enough the last chorus came, without Taeil even realising it.

“Oh won’t you stay with me?  
Cause you’re all I need” 

When Taeil looked at Johnny over the piano, he was met with a dark brown gaze looking right back at him, and yet again he couldn’t find it in himself to look away. 

“This ain’t love, it’s clear to see” 

Taeil looked away. 

“But darling, stay with me” 

He looked down at his hands, feeling emotion slipping through his voice. He had listened to this song, sang along, so many times when wishing for love, he felt almost guilty for showing it to anyone else now that the song was over. 

“You’re an amazing singer” he heard Johnny say, and he looked up to again meet the gaze of said man. 

“You’re an amazing pianist” Taeil countered, trying to ignore the blush on his cheeks. But Johnny was relentless, and he held Taeil’s gaze without faltering, and somehow it felt like a thousand words were said, only Taeil couldn’t decipher them. It was as though he had ear plugs in his ears, making the sounds blunt and faded. 

Now of course, they heard a slam of a door and a “Johnnyyyy I’m hoooome”, snapping them out of whatever trance they were in. 

“Taeyong is probably done with his project by now” Taeil said, and even though it technically was a statement, it felt more like an announcement to them both that the moment was officially over. 

“Yeah” Was all Johnny said before he got up from his stool. 

“I’m gonna head into the shower!” they heard Ten shout from the hallway. 

Johnny walked him to the door, and they fell back into casual conversation, laughing about how Ten was probably out procrastinating instead of actually studying, and then arguing about the best movies. Taeil would defend Shrek until his last breath, but Johnny insisted that Mission Impossible was better. 

“Can I get your number?” Johnny asked when Taeil had put on his shoes, and Taeil would like to say that he considered not giving it to him, because Johnny made him nervous and giddy and warm and he couldn’t help but wonder if he made Johnny feel that way, only to push down the thought with a mental ‘of course not’ and ‘he’s straight’, but then another ‘what if’ and suddenly feeling guilty - 

Because Johnny was really nice and charismatic and cool and he had a ton of friends who did crazy outgoing things with him and he probably went to parties every weekend, flirting with girls and dancing and screaming along to lyrics and he probably had a lot of experience with love and sex, whereas Taeil - Taeil was not like that at all. 

But Taeil was weak and selfish, and gave in to the butterflies. He gave Johnny his digits, and Johnny took a bad picture of Taeil, surprised and a little pink on the cheeks, to keep as contact image.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People seemed to like the first chapter so I hope you'll be pleased with this one as well 
> 
> I wrote this over the span of weeks and then finished while watching shrek and eating cookie dough please enjoy 
> 
> i have to add that i have no idea how much of this is comprehensible i wrote and rewrote and deleted and added stuff so many times i lost count sorryyyy

When Taeil came back home, Taeyong was indeed done with his art project, and Taeil was once again invited in as a roommate.

“He asked for your number?!” Taeyong had asked Taeil, and Taeil had just blushed and answered with a shy ‘yes’. “I don’t think your gay-dar is on right” Taeyong said playfully and pushed Taeil lightly on the shoulder. 

“Shut up, I need to sleep” Taeil explained for what felt like the thousand time, already lying covered in blankets and with eyes closed. 

“But he called you cute and asked for your number” Taeyong squealed and laid down next to him, pushing his head up with a hand supported by an elbow on one of Taeil’s pillows.

“He could be one of those guys that just question hypermasculinity and don’t think it’s weird showing appreciation to other guys. I don’t want to make it weird” the human burrito deadpanned to his best friend breaking and entering to his bed. 

“He could also be into you, you know” said best friend shot back. 

He could be into you, Taeil repeated to himself in his mind. 

“We barely know each other” he mumbled. 

He’s straight started playing instead.

“And he seems straight” he added

Even if he was into guys, would he really be into you?

“And he seems like a romanticist anyhow, I wouldn’t know how to act if he did like me” he sighed and looked over at his best friend again, and Taeyong saw the exhausted look in his eyes.

“Yeah, love can be hard sometimes” Taeil could swear he saw the red haired boy’s smile turn bitter for just a second, but if that was the case, it was gone as quickly as it appeared. “But isn’t it part of life?” He continued, wrapping Taeil in a big hug. Taeil rarely admitted it, but he really loved Taeyong’s hugs, or any hugs. 

They laid like that for a while, in comfortable silence and sometimes making small insignificant comments, and then Taeil’s phone gave out a loud “pling!”, making the short boy fly up to grab it, because Johnny hadn’t texted yet and even though he hadn’t said he would, there was a possibility that he would. 

FROM: cutest sun [22.46]  
hey  
hyung  
im in town to check out the uni  
do u wanna meet up

Alas, Taeil was not that lucky.

“Donghyuck’s in town” Taeil declared to Taeyong, receiving a small hum in return.

FROM: moonie☾ [22.48]  
of course  
i don’t have any classes tomorrow morning

FROM: cutest sun [22.49]  
GREAT  
then you can buy me coffee  
and breakfast 

FROM: moonie☾[22.52]  
ya  
you’re so spoiled

FROM: cutest sun [22.54]  
pleeeeeaaaaaaase  
i have finals coming up  
you know how hard it is to eat well  
while studying so hard

FROM: moonie☾ [22.57]  
yeah yeah  
fine  
i’ll  
buy you breakfast

FROM: cutest sun [22.57]  
YAY  
you’re the best hyung 

“I’m meeting up with the devil in nike tomorrow for breakfast” Taeil announced, even though he knew Taeyong had been reading the messages. Alas, he brought a chuckle out of the younger one. 

“You have such a sweet spot for that kid I didn’t even think you could call him a devil” he stated as he brought out his own phone, making Taeil huff in response. 

Johnny still hadn’t texted when Taeil went to meet Donghyuck. 

But breakfast with Donghyuck was freshening for Taeil, really. Ever since Taeil moved away to go to university he had barely been back to their hometown except for holidays and a week now and then every summer. 

Taeyong also tagged along to the café to get a coffee to go before his class, and when Donghyuck saw him he yelled out, in quite bad english “BOOMING SYSTEM UH-UP, TY TRACK, TY TRACK”, as he usually would, constantly reminding his hyung of that one time he helped a friend out with a song for her music production, and then making the mistake of letting Donghyuck hear it. 

“-and ever since you abandoned me, your favourite dongsaeng-” Donghyuck was going on about how everything was back in town, occasionally making remarks without bite about how Taeil allegedly ‘abandoned’ him. 

“You know, if you come study here you wouldn’t have to complain about never seeing me, every time we meet” Taeil pointed out after Donghyuck was done talking about how much of a betrayal it was when Taeil left. “And then we could meet without me getting paid for it” he snickered and took a sip of his coffee. 

“YA, you were my babysitter for like two months when I was an infant, do you have to bring it up every time?” the younger exclaimed and threw his hands up. 

“More like two and a half years when you were eight to eleven years old” Taeil corrected him, chuckling softly, earning a loud cry from the over dramatic high school senior sitting across from him. “When do you have the tour around campus?”

“After lunch” said over dramatic high school senior replied once he had decided to stop pouting over Taeil’s correction. 

“Do you know where you’re supposed to meet?” Taeil asked, gaining an eye roll from Donghyuck. 

“Oh my god yes dad” Donghyuck’s focus seemed to be elsewhere though, and Taeil raised his eyebrows at him. “Don’t freak out but a crazy tall guy is on his way over here and oh my god Taeil he’s hot” Donghyuck tried whispering the last part, but it sounded more like a wheeze. 

“Huh?” Taeil tilted his head at the youngling and then turned to very indiscreetly look around with a slightly confused expression. It took about 1.5 seconds before he saw Johnny coming towards them, and he let out an awkward chuckle. 

“That’s Johnny” he explained to Donghyuck, who seemed shocked his hyung knew the approaching stranger. 

“Hey Taeil!” Johnny called out with a smile when he was a few metres away.

“Hi, Johnny” Taeil sent a small smile at him. There was a small silence when Johnny was right in front of him, and the taller looked like he was thinking hard about something. 

“How are you?” he asked “Did you get home safe yesterday?” he asked.

Taeil didn’t want to admit how his heart ached over the fact that those questions could have easily been sent over text, but that Johnny just used them as awkward conversation openers when they accidentally bumped into each other. He didn’t want to admit that they made his heart ache because he still sounded so sincere, and Johnny probably had no idea that Taeil was fighting off a ruthless infatuation with him. 

“Yeah, I did, Taeyong was done with his art project so I was allowed inside again” Taeil said with a small laugh, and he hated himself for the way his heart still fluttered at the simple questions because it was Johnny asking them. 

“This is Donghyuck. I used to babysit him, he’s thinking about starting uni here” Taeil said in an attempt to calm himself down, turning to the youngest of the three, who was glaring at Taeil. 

“As I said, you were my babysitter for like two days when I was barely even born” he scoffed and then turning to Johnny with a sickeningly sweet smile. “I’m Lee Donghyuck, the sunshine and meaning of Taeil hyung’s life” he introduced himself, and Taeil rolled his eyes, but somehow it made Johnny laugh. Taeil once again hated his heart for skipping a beat, just at the sound of Johnny laughing. 

“Nice to meet you” Johnny smiled at Donghyuck “What are you planning on studying?” he asked him, still with a small smile on his face.

“Something within the arts I think, dancing or music probably” Donghyuck said quite proudly, and Johnny nodded with an impressed face. 

“That’s really cool! My room mate is a dance major, actually” he said. “But hey, I gotta bolt, my class starts in five minutes” he smiled apologetically at them, and scurried away after them bidding their good byes. 

“He was cute, Taeil hyung” Donghyuck giggled after Johnny had left. “Are you two good friends?” he asked with his eyebrows lifted. “If all the boys at this university is that cute then I’ll definitely apply” he sighed dreamily. 

Taeil mustered up the best smile he could, because he wasn’t supposed to be feeling possessive and bitter over someone else just appreciating Johnny, especially not if he wanted to get over the taller. 

After a bit of time, Donghyuck had to leave for the tour around campus, and Taeil had to get to his class. He thanked god he didn’t have his free choice course until a day later. He however wished once again that he hadn’t picked literature and writing as a course though, because he knew he would have to meet Johnny. 

Now, any other person with a fully functioning and healthy brain would be delighted to spend one hour and fifteen minutes in the same class as their crush. Taeil, however, acknowledged his crush and the will to make it disappear. 

Taeyong on the other hand, was not as willing to just accept the fact that Taeil wanted to get over Johnny so bad. 

“I just don’t understand why you can’t embrace your feelings, go for it, you know” Taeyong shrugged, eyes still on the screen playing some american tv-show Taeil didn’t know the name to. 

“I don’t have time to be distracted from my studies, I really want this degree” Taeil responded, his answer playing like a broken record to Taeyong. But as Taeil uttered those words again, Taeyong shifted to look at him, a new look in his eyes, and at first Taeil couldn’t really place it at first. It was almost akin to anger? Disappointment? 

“A relationship isn’t supposed to be a burden you know. You make it sound like a punishment from above to feel these things, like it’s a curse. That’s the mindset that’s gonna ruin you, ruin this-” Taeyong cut himself off, and Taeil could see that the look in his best friend’s eyes was sadness. “It’s not a burden to love someone, it’s not a sin to feel things. You don’t have to be ashamed of your feelings” he continued and Taeil could see him fighting to keep his voice steady. 

Instead of answering, arguing about it, Taeil just seated himself next to the younger boy, pulling him into a tight embrace and letting him bury his head in Taeil’s chest. “Do you want to talk about it?” the question was barely a whisper, but Taeyong heard, and shook his head. 

“It’s just…” The red haired started “I don’t know” he sighed, raising his head from where it was on Taeil’s chest, and Taeil could feel two wet spots on his T-shirt. 

“Is it the guy you’ve been seeing?” he asked with pity in his eyes, and Taeyong nodded weakly. “Do you want me to go beat him up?” he asked, drawing a small laugh out of Taeyong. 

“You couldn’t even beat up a fly, hyung” he said as he dried his tears with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “And no, I don’t want that. It’s just complicated, he doesn’t want anyone to know and when I told him how I feel he said he thought we were just playing around” the tears start rolling down his cheeks again, and Taeil could feel his heart break for his best friend. “And the worst part is I know he feels something, and I tried getting it out of him but he’s so closed off” Taeyong looked down as he said this, and he looked so small and sad and Taeil wasn’t used to seeing him like that. 

“That sounds terrible, Yongie” he finally said. “He shouldn’t be doing that to you” he sighed. 

“But the thing is that in the pace you’re going you could end up doing the exact same thing” Taeyong looked up at him. “You can’t close off your feelings like that” he said, and his face was somehow soft and stern at the same time. 

Taeil couldn’t answer, because part of him knew that Taeyong was right, that he couldn’t keep closing himself off, that eventually he would hurt himself or someone else. So he told Taeyong he would try to work on it, try to open up more. 

So he started hanging out a bit more with Johnny, tried to open up to the possibilities, to listen to Taeyong’s words about uni and a degree not being all there is to life. 

So after just two weeks, Taeil found himself enjoying spending time with Johnny, getting to know him better. He let himself relax more, let himself bathe in what Taeyong called “young infatuation”, and appreciate Johnny instead of trying to find every flaw in his existence. He found himself examining and memorizing every part of Johnny he could, from how his eyebrows moved when he talked passionately about something, the look in his eyes when he was putting on a small show to be funny or to tease Taeil, the way his plump lips quirked upwards and how he laughed with his whole body at what Taeil assumes to be bad jokes in the american shows Johnny would convince him to watch. Most of all, Taeil memorized Johnny’s smooth voice, and how Johnny would always explain the shows they watched when Taeil didn’t understand what they said. Taeil memorized the way the tone of Johnny’s voice changed when he switched between Korean and English. 

“So you see she’s mad because he forgot to bring home food, but he’s saying that she said that she would bring home food” Johnny explained a scene in the show they were watching. Sometimes Taeil would ask about something even though he kinda understood, just to hear Johnny explain it to him. More and more, Taeil saw how amazing Johnny was gonna be at teaching once he got his degree. They were lounging in the couch at Johnny’s apartment, initially meant to be studying. 

The door opened just as a new episode was about to begin, and in walked a slumped up Ten, looking like he was just a few inches from dropping dead. 

“Hey buddy, how are you?” Johnny asked him, pausing the episode. 

“I feel like dying” Ten sighed and flopped down in the armchair next to the couch. “I just spent five hours straight in the dance studio preparing for the showcase” he groaned, and Taeil could understand that five hours spent just dancing would wear him out. 

Johnny however, furrowed his eyebrows together, and his normally quirked up lips wore a small frown. He didn’t say anything about it though. 

“Do you wanna watch with us?” he asked instead, gaining a small nod from Ten, and then starting the episode again. 

Taeil stayed until about 10PM, when he decided he should head home, because they were all getting kinda tired, and Taeyong had sent him a text wondering when he was gonna be home. 

At home, Taeil found Taeyong intensely sketching into his sketchbook on the couch, which wasn’t anything new. Taeyong could sometimes stay up until morning just sketching - something about it cleansing his head. What made Taeil squint his eyes was the fact that Taeyong was still in the same clothes that he went out in earlier in the day. 

“Hey Yong-ah, how are you?” he asked as he sat down next to his best friend in the couch, earning a sigh from said redhead. 

“I’m tired” Taeyong finally answered “this day has been eating me up and spitting me out continuously” he groaned and let himself fall over in Taeil’s lap. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Taeil asked softly and ran a hand through Taeyong’s unwashed hair, scrunching his nose a bit at the oily feeling, but continuing the motion nonetheless. The taller of the two hummed a bit, thinking about his choices. “I won’t bake for you, we both know how that’d end” he made a light joke, trying to get at least a smile out of the younger boy, and succeeding. 

“Could you go get some cookies for me in the kitchen?” Taeyong smiled lightly up at him and Taeil nodded as he got up. “And do your silly dance?” 

At this, Taeil sighed. The ‘silly dance’ was one that Taeil somehow invented - if one could call it that - one drunken night in, when he, on a dare, had to do anything his friends ordered him to, which included getting more beer and cookies, but also “dance”. Now Taeil was not a terrible dancer when given a choreography, but having to dance on the spot was not his strong side. Given the order to dance, he just stood up and flailed his arms and body, looking a little bit like one of those inflatable things outside some stores. This was then given the name ‘Taeil’s silly dance’ and had haunted Taeil ever since. 

But Taeil was a great friend, so he did the silly dance either way, Taeyong quickly putting on ‘bad guy’ by billie eilish in the background, and then went to the kitchen to get Taeyong’s cookies. 

When he came back to their living room, he was met with Taeyong staring at his phone, laughing and giggling every now and then. “Yuta says your face ‘looks so done’ but your body ‘moves just right’” he giggles and shows Taeil the screen, where Taeyong apparently sent a video of Taeil’s silly dance in their group chat. 

“Well I’m glad my embarrassment could make you feel better” Taeil stated and pushed Taeyong lightly on the shoulder. 

“Doyoung says you should get some new moves” Taeyong updated him on the groupchat, unaffected by Taeil’s grumpiness. 

“You know I’m part of that groupchat, I can just read it myself” Taeil deadpanned as he sat down next to Taeyong, fishing his phone out of his pocket to scroll through the messages.

FROM: osaka prince [23.14]  
how is taeil still single with moves like that 

FROM: dodo [23.15]  
it’s BECAUSE of those moves that he is still single 

FROM: sunsun [23.17]  
ur just jealous u dont got moves like that 

FROM: moon [23.20]  
you guys know i see all these messages, right?

FROM: osaka prince [23.22]  
TAEIL  
ur still single right  
do u wanna go on a blind date

“Do I want to go on a blind date?” Taeil repeats quietly to himself. 

“It could be good for you” Taeyong supplies and looks at him with big eyes and raised eyebrows. 

“But I still like Johnny” Taeil whined. 

“I thought you were trying to get over him?” Taeyong asked and tilted his head at him, and Taeil felt as if Taeyong was asking something entirely different, only he didn’t know what. 

“Yeah I guess, but-” 

“You just enjoy putting yourself through misery by never doing anything about your crush on him” Taeyong filled in sarcastically. “This could be a chance to move on? Or in the worst case at least make Johnny jealous” Taeyong sighed as he typed on his phone. 

FROM: ty track [22.29]  
yes he does 

“TAEYONG I SAID NO!” Taeil shrieked at the message Taeyong sent in the groupchat. “If I wanted to make Johnny jealous then I would’ve just done that when he asked if you and I are dating” he sulked back in the couch. 

“He asked if we were dating?!” Taeyong wheezed, and Taeil knew that look in his eyes. That was his ‘spill the tea, honey’-eyes, whatever that meant. “What did you say?” he asked and almost sat down in Taeil’s lap. 

“I said that we’re just friends” Taeil shrugged and rolled his eyes at his best friend, always so keen for gossip. 

“Anyhow, I’m working tomorrow through to friday” Taeil changed the subject.  
“Should I tell Yuta to schedule the blind date for saturday then?” Taeyong snickered, typing into his phone. 

When Taeyong wanted something, he usually got it. The blind date was no exception, and so Taeil found himself reluctantly agreeing to it. 

He did not however want to tell Johnny about it. They weren’t dating, and they weren’t really on the verge of dating either, they were just good friends, and Taeil felt as if telling Johnny about his blind date would shut the door entirely on a possible future of them together. If Johnny didn’t already, he would think Taeil wasn’t interested in him, and any interest he might’ve had would be gone, because Johnny was very reasonable and smart in that way. 

FROM: taeil hyung [13.34]  
im going on a blind date on saturday  
wish me luck 

He immediately regretted the texts, thinking he should’ve written something more elaborate, or met Johnny in person to tell him. Then he again started questioning why he felt obligated, and guilty, to tell Johnny about it, because they weren’t dating, and they didn’t exactly flirt. 

FROM: John Suh [13.39]  
okay 

Taeil should have felt relieved that Johnny was not making a big deal out of it. He should have felt like everything was just like it usually was, because friends were supposed to tell each other when stuff like this happened. 

FROM: John Suh [13.55]  
good luck hyung  
if you need help picking out an outfit im here :)

Taeil felt his heart sink at the second text. He knew that the chances of Johnny liking him back weren’t very big, but it felt confirmed in that moment, that the younger didn’t feel like the older. That he didn’t feel awkward thinking about Taeil going out with some friend of a friend. Even though Taeil wasn’t necessarily looking for jealousy, he felt a little disappointed that Johnny didn’t show any signs of the emotion. 

Maybe Taeyong was right. Taeil shouldn’t be feeling guilty by moving on from his crush on the tall american. Maybe this blind date was a good way to start getting over the one Johnny Suh.

But first he had to live through three days of work, and because he was the sweetest human in existence, Johnny always made sure to come in during Taeil’s shifts, cracking a few jokes in attempts to make Taeil laugh. Taeil wished more than anything that his heart wouldn’t flutter at Johnny’s smile, and that he wouldn’t feel so enamored when Johnny laughed with his whole body at one of his stupid jokes, and that Johnny wouldn’t seem so unbothered by the knowledge of Taeil going on a date. But wishes don’t always come true, so he just did his best to hide it, the love and the disappointment, from the younger. 

And then Saturday came around, and Taeil found himself in his room, trying to decide what to wear for the blind date. Jaehyun had further provided information of his blind date such as facts that he was supposedly very cute, studied physics and loved puppies, and his name was Jungwoo. Maybe not such a bad match. Jaehyun had apparently met him in one of his classes, which Taeil for the love of god could not remember the name of. They were anyhow supposed to meet at an ice cream parlor at 15. The clock was 14.28 and Taeil was still standing in just his boxers in his room, trying to pick an outfit. 

“You have lots of nice clothes, just pick something” Taeyong said from his spot on Taeil’s bed. After having suggestion after suggestion being tried and then rejected by his roommate he rendered to just scrolling through instagram. 

“I found it! I found it Taeyong!” Taeil shrieked happily when he finally found a, oversized, white and blue striped t-shirt he had been looking for, claiming it would be perfect for an ice cream date, along with a pair of blue jeans. 

So that’s what Taeil wore when he made his way out of their apartment, down the little street filled with restaurants, and out to the main street to walk alongside it to the ice cream parlor. 

Taking a deep breath, doing his best not to take one last look at his phone to see if he has any new messages from Johnny, Taeil walked into the ice cream parlor where he was supposed to meet Jungwoo. 

It was a nice parlor, and it almost felt like a café that just happened to serve ice cream as well, just in very bright colours. He saw a guy sit by one of the tables, dark blonde parted hair, big eyes and a white hoodie on, looking down at his phone. He figured that that would be Jungwoo, so he approached the table. 

“Hey, are you Jungwoo?” he asked, panic settling in right as the words left his mouth because what if it’s not him oh my god that would be so embarrassing and what if it IS Jungwoo he really is cute what the heck and he isn’t Johnny. 

The guy reacted to the words anyway, looking up at Taeil with a smile, completely unknowing of the thoughts running through Taeil’s head. 

“Yeah, hi, you must be Taeil?” Jungwoo smiled at him, and his voice was so soft and small that Taeil almost wanted to coo. 

Honestly, Taeil had almost hoped the date would be disappointing, so he could continue pining for his tall american most probably straight friend. But the date was really good. In the beginning it was a little awkward, of course, because Taeil is awkward, but Jungwoo didn’t seem to have that trait in him. They talked about almost everything between the sun and moon, and Taeil found himself laughing, a lot. 

So when Taeyong asked him afterwards how it went, Taeil said that it went good, and when Taeyong asked if he thought about Johnny during the date, and Taeil almost felt guilty when he said “barely”. 

When Taeyong asked if he kissed Jungwoo in the end of the date, Taeil’s face got red and he excused himself to the bathroom, making Taeyong shriek. 

Soon enough he saw the groupchat being blown up by Taeyong gushing about Taeil’s date. He was really just glad that the rest of the group didn’t know about his gigantic crush on Johnny. He wasn’t sure if they even knew who he was, but he already felt a little guilty about liking his date and the idea of getting reminded of it did not seem very attractive right now. 

FROM: jenjen [17.50]  
why dont u invite him for movie night on friday

FROM: moon [17.50]  
no thanks i dont want you to embarrass me

FROM: sunsun [17.51]  
aw cmon hyung u kno wed never do tht :(

FROM: dodo [17.51]  
how are you expecting to get into uni when you write like that 

FROM: sunsun [17.51]  
with this ASS 

FROM: osaka prince [17.53]  
HEY GUYS can i invite this cute guy in my class 

FROM: ty track [17.54]  
do our sacred movie nights mean NOTHING to you people  
invitng crushes and hookups and dates here and there :( 

FROM: osaka prince [17.55]  
it’s the cute chinese guy from one of my classes :( 

FROM: ty track [17.55]  
sicheng???  
OF COURSE YOU CAN INVITE HIM  
why didnt u say it was him smh 

FROM: moon [17.57]  
what have i missed here  
whats going on

FROM: dodo [18.00]  
HOW have you missed Yuta’s gushing over him

FROM: ty track [18.01]  
taeil’s too busy ‘studying’  
aka gushing over his own crush  
but sicheng is really nice i met him through another friend

FROM: moon [18.02]  
shut up taeyong i will kill you  
and also  
what do you mean another friend  
do you have other friends

So movie night came around, Sicheng couldn’t come when Yuta asked him and Taeil skipped on inviting Jungwoo, because Taeyong had a point, the movie nights were sacred and just for their little group, and he needed to just be with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really just me writing out the crackhead energy and fluff i have in my head constantly so yeah if u wanna be friends follow me on instagram my @ is luxasbbabyy
> 
> one of my best friends was mad at me when he finished reading this so uh i guess imma try to get started with chapter 3 lmao

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the first chapter! Tell me what you thought, or maybe who you think Taeyong's mystery man is?


End file.
